Inspiring Articles

Relationship: The art of connecting .. with others

There is something which is common that connects all of us together what is that, discover it?

A tune of life that works very well when you are on your own, may not necessarily work when you are in a group including family. To create a tune, I will have to be in rhythm with others which is called as cordial relationship.

Most of the time our communication is non-verbal. It is on the basis of what we think about others and what type of behavior we create towards others. If the attitude and behaviour is positive, well we are in tune with others, but if our attitude and negative it affects our relationships with others. Once a relationship is affected then it is very difficult to change other's behavior towards us. The attention that we need to have in relationships is

  1. Behave positively with others on the basis of their good feelings but not on the basis of their weaknesses. Remember each one of us have weakness/s one way or other.
  2. One has to keep in mind that what ever I do is what others will follow. Any behavior in a person which remains constant is followed by another whether positive or negative. This is an automatic process.
  3. I have to understand the application of my values according to the person, situation, his/ her mood and relationship you have with that person.
  4. No individual can give me sorrow or happiness on the basis of my own personal choice, I choose to take up happiness from sorrow or sorrow from happiness. For example, if xyz country wins a match against country abc, then the people in the victorious country are happy and people in the country which lost the match may become unhappy and even get angry against the players.
  5. The more we let go, the better the person turns out to be. To let go means to give freedom with guidance. Sometimes giving freedom keeping trust, sometimes freedom with wisdom.

The common chord that connects everyone is the common cause of living for values such as 'love'. In order to live we eat, sleep, drink, work, etc,. But we live for love, peace and happiness. So any positive change in relationships should be based on a silent transformation from within. I need to work with the other person on the basis of equality that is of using values. Most times words, deeds do not help to get the essence of a person into conscious level. On the contrary, if you work with the other person on the basis of relationships, egoism, bossism, etc your relationship is bound to get affected.

If we are able to recognise the commonality among ourselves we can connect with others easily. To transform ourselves in relationship is very important because it is visible. In situations at work , within our self, we can put it in our self. We know ourselves the way we feel. When it comes to relationship, it is visible. Our responses, our behaviour, our attitude, are very much visible to others. Everybody would know what we feel about other person. For e.g. Orange. If it get spoiled inside we would never know initially. But after sometime when it becomes black on top, we recognise that the orange is getting spoiled.

Similarly, there is some negative feeling inside towards other which comes out in some form or the other. We get either irritated or come to a negative feeling whenever we see a person whom we do not like. Like a spoiled orange spoils other good oranges in a basket, the negative feeling of one person towards other spreads to others through negative vibrations or mood. When one person's mood is in off stage it gives negative feeling to others. This gives negative connections to others. Our relationship is primarily on the basis of our vibrations or feelings. We have liking and disliking towards others which depends on our feelings towards other which is based on the certain information we have in our mind.

Most of our understanding with others is on the basis of our feelings. So while connecting with others it is important to note that we recognise the way we have to transform. If we want to transform our behaviouir towards others, we have to transform our feelings and attitudes - naturally.

In relationship, the joy is to be in tune with others. It has to be so constant, even if other person is getting fluctuated, I should be able to go into the tune with that person. It is called as rhythm of life. Life is like dance or music. Our life depends on so many tunes (relationship) of others.In relationship there is always rhythm and it is a joy to be in tune with others.This requires transformation in relationships.

Why is it so difficult to transform in relationships? Because there is weak internal adjustment mechanism. It is like driving on a busy street where we adjust pace of driving according to the traffic in front and both the sides and if we are in tune with the traffic, we are bound to hit by other vehicles. Relationships to be in the rhythm means not to focus on what I can have on relationship, but more n what this person is for me in this relationship. For example: The relationship between mother and child here the mother understands what the child needs. In relationship we try to understand what is the attainment, how best I am going to benefit from the person, what value this person has .. in short we establish positive relationship if we are going to gain something out of it (other than normal family relationship and friendly relationship). The core of all relationship is 'Communication'. Even if you have positive or negative feeling towards others, only after communicating it can be expressed and that makes the connection with others.

So, how to connect with others? Through Sanskar milan. How can it take place? Commonality water can get mixed with the water. But can we mix water with oil? What is common among individuals is the values: Love, peace, happiness. So on what basis we can connect each other? These values.. if I am able to see values in other person, I can connect with him by understanding his values. In our relationship we hurt somebody emotionally or through our feelings it is very difficult to heal the injury. In order to build positive relationship we need to have attitudinal change which means the whole transformation of environment. Attitudes are deep and feelings are such that they are communicated all the time. There is no guarantee that we get right response if my feelings and attitudes are not right towards others.

When we are able to remove the word 'I', 'mine' in our dealings, we are able to create a positive relationship. From a relationship we have to remove our ego, attitudes, belief systems and feelings which are limited to our own understanding. Then we are able to learn from others or connect to them positively.